Wahoooooooooooo!!

Finally! Last night I obtained my 3rd piece of Monk’s Relic Armor from Dynamis – Jeuno! Following the Melee Cyclas (body) from Beaucedine and then Melee Gaiters (feet) from Bastok, now I own a pair of Melee Gloves. I’m so, so, so happy!

Why so excited over a free rare/exclusive piece of equipment, you may wonder.

Well, first off, it’s one of the set of 5 in Melee Attire set! Obtaining one more means I am 1 step nearer to owning the full set, and thus eventually will be able to store the set at Armor Storer. Next, this set looks even more handsome than the Artifact – Temple Attire. Look how well these fit with my Cobra Unit Cap and Cobra Unit Subligar!

Moreover, I’ve been waiting for this pair of Gloves for quite some time. Well, on my first Jeuno run ever, 28 December 2008 on my timezone, I had set my Main Lot for this pair of gloves. However, Loneshadow’s comment on the suckness of drop rate of the gloves was very disheartening.

Worse yet, someone else mentioned that that day he would be praying hard for the Melee Gloves to drop, because he had been wanting them for a year! (Or could be more than a year, I cannot remember exactly how long, but his statement was to that effect.)

So well, as far as I remember, on that run only the person and Iwere going to main lot Monk.

But they never dropped!

RAWR~~~~~~~~~!!!

The next Jeuno run, on 14 January 2009, was my chance again. I pondered whether I should go for White Mage’s Cleric Pants instead, but I determined that, as a person born to be monk, I should aim mainly for Monk’s piece! So there again, I set my Main Lot to Monk’s Relic Armor.

Unfortunately, unfortunately!!! On that day not only 2 people were wanting that Melee Gloves! Mita also wanted it! I had a selfish urge in me to plead to him to pass the lot for me if that thing did drop, but I held it in. It’s not right to make a selfish request to such a nice friend. So, I decided I would compete in the lotting war!

However, I was lucky that the other piece that Mita wanted dropped. So, he picked it, and I was totally relieved that I didn’t have to be selfish, and also didn’t have to feel sad if I lost the lot to him. The only competition I had was the other person, whom I remembered was the same guy mentioning how long and how badly he had been wanting the gloves.

Selfishly, I also decided I would fight him fair and square in the war of lotting!

I don’t know…. It’s a terrible conflict in my mind. On one hand I feel guilty for competing with him to the piece that he had been wanting for much much longer time than me. On the other hand I cannot make up my ming to give up my own desire to be kind to other….

Ah, well, my dilemma was solved by the godsend Relic Armor piece, which was in his Alternate Lot choice. He decided to lot, then won it. OMG! I am so selfish! I felt very relieved seeing that. Even as I’m writing this, I still feel a bit guilty. Because for both of them, I was secretly wishing they would really pick their other choice, and both of them did, as if my selfish wish was granted.

Anyway, later on, towards the end of the run, my most wanted Relic Armor finally dropped! I was overjoyed, and Lusi and Brune were screaming, telling me to lot that. Leftster also spoke up in LS, so I lotted and my heart was flying back and forth in front of Dynamis-Jeuno’s Auction House joyfully. Then I saw the other person lotting it, and winning against me. My memory rewinded and replayed quickly, and I asked if I misunderstood that the person already won his Alternate lot and should have passed to me. Brune was yelling. Lusi as well… Left commanded him to pass. I was panicked, and didn’t even noticed that the person had died, and thus was absolutely unable to pass!

Boy, if I had paid more attention and noticed it quickly, I would have searched for him and give him a raise before things turned bad. But as a clumsy mage I was, I didn’t notice his empty HP bar in the alliance list. While people were yelling (mainly my bro and Lu) it became too late, the treasure got pushed off the pool by the newly dropped items and went to him.

Of course my puffed up and floating heart withered and dropped to the ground.

Disappointed? Yes.

Sad? Yes.

Envious? Yes.

Angry? Hmmm not quite.

I can’t say that I was totally ok with that. But I cannot lash out at him. It’s like I kinda understood why he had tried a lot. It’s like when I want something so badly it could become overwhelming, and in some moment I could forget about other things, other rules, or any propriation and try my hands at it. After a several seconds pass, though, I would regain my consciousness and give it up if it’s not my turn or my rightful moment yet. So, it could be that he did forget that he had won the other lot. It could be that he just wanted to try to compete in lotting. It could be that he misunderstood or misread something during such hectic moment. It could be any honest mistake…that caused that to happen. Oh, and it could have also been my own fate to not obtaining the gloves at that instance.

So, somewhere deep in my mind, though I still regret and felt so envious that I could not talk directly to him, nor could I openly told Lusi and Brun to stop yelling at him, I felt that we should push the matter aside and continue on.

And yes that commotion caused trouble to the run, and Rofel as well as Trustme had to spoke out that we should focus on the run first, and discuss any problem later. During that confusion and chaos, I had neglected my duty as main healer, and let a few people in my party die due to Bomb Toss. I’m so sorry guys!! >o< It was my fault for getting distracted that much! I still regret it today.

Ah well, after the recovery, or maybe during it, Left sent me a tell apologizing for what had happened. Lusi also sent a tell, and so I got confused and thought it was also Lusi who sent the first line, so I replied Left’s message to Lusi instead. I thought we could compromise. It was like I felt a bit sorry that my brother was yelling at him. It’s not that I thought my brother was wrong or evil, but I felt that his words were too harsh and it might hurt the guy. You know, it could be unbearable to have people turn to enemies and express their anger directly at you at once like that. Yes I know it’s his mistake, but…. somehow I felt sorry for him too. It’s like we’re all against him and were abusing him verbally.

Anyway, Leftster and Rofel promised that on next Jeuno run, if the Monk Gloves drop, I would have the first priority to lot it. Which….was a very very good news. It’s kinda cheating privilege too, because it ensured that no one could win against me on the piece.

And yes, that’s how I won my lot with 35 points of lotting!

The person sent me a tell saying congratulation and expressing his apology. Ah well, it’s not a biggie, you know. I thought actually I was the one who owe him an apology…. Because my bro was very harsh towards him. But well, I had no rights in saying it. Also, I didn’t have much time because we were busy with the run, so I didn’t tell him my real thought. It was like, because of him and that incident, that I was able to obtain my gloves now. Otherwise who knows how long I would have to keep lotting and keep competing with other people to get it? So I’m actually half thankful to him.

Oh well, Elfi and Massive wanted the gloves too. And at the moment I noticed that their lot were both higher than me,ev I didn’t hesitate to become selfish and claimed my privilege. They both willingly gave up on the lot and passed to me. I was glad, and yet sad to have crushed other people’s dream in obtaining the gloves…. But as guilty as I felt, I was very happy that I finally got what I wanted.

The next pair of gloves dropped, and Elfi won because Massvie never casted lot. He gave the reason, on my lot, that he had many people winning against hi on the pieces that he wanted before, and he didn’t want to do it to other people himself! I was very grateful. At that moment I was so happy and grateful that I wanted to go blow everyone a kiss and give them a hug. I also honestly wished that 2 more pairs would drop so both Elfi and Massvie could get them. Sadly, the gloves didn’t drop for Massive and we were wiped on Boss.

Ah well…. I just want to record my feelings about the matter. So that in the future if time comes when I have to pick between selfishness and kindness, I could think carefully and make the choice I would never regret.

Oh, but I DID NOT regret choosing myself over friends. I am happy with what I got, with a rightful method too. I still believe that I made a correct choice.  It’s just that I want to do something to compensate what I selfishly gained from other people’s loss, even how fair it was. It’s different, you know. Even though a choice is the most suitable, and the best for myself, and is also best in a specific situation, it doesn’t change the fact that it could make me feel in debt if I had broken someone’s heart to accomplish what I wanted. So, if I could do something to help them be happier, I would do it. In the future, if I could return the favour, I would! It’s the matter of feelings, after all.

P.S. In respect to his privacy, I decided to leave the person’s name unmentioned.