RAWR!

I’m truly in a foul mood.

Before, I was in quite a good mood. I miss old music, so I started browsing YouTube for some songs I like. Then I found a bunch of Metallica’s songs. I’ve hit the treasure cave! Yeaha! Long list of Metallica songs, awaiting to be clicked. I was in heaven. I listened to several songs, mainly from the “Black Album” and And Justice For All. Then I noticed something that turned my mood foul.

Seriously, when one really like something, praising it is the most reasonable thing to do. Express your love of it, let the world know, share your cool opinion with the rest of their fans, that’s what I would do, and would like to see. I usually read some of the comments on YouTube pages, because sometimes people leave comments to suggest some other songs, albums, or artists that we might also like. But what I saw….not only on one or a few occasions today, but many, was that someone would throw insult about other artist, either explicitly or implicitly.

The most stupid type of bad comments that I saw today was “123 fans of –beep– disliked this song.” 123 would be whatever number that indicates how many times people hit “dislike” button on specific VDO.

That is just disturbingly sick. Lousy assumption. People have a thousand of reasons to rate down a VDO. Maybe they hate the owner of the VDO, maybe they dislike the slideshow that comes with it, maybe they really don’t like that specific song, or maybe the sound quality in that VDO displeased them. Worse yet, maybe they thumb down the song just because some fans are douchebags and pissed them off.

Seriously, if you don’t like some certain artists, just friggin’ leave them alone. Why would you bring up the name of whom you hate and post it on the page of whom you really like? If you hate them just don’t listen to them and don’t talk about them. No one would kill you if you don’t mention the names of whatever artist you hate. No one would kill you if you don’t throw insults around. It’s disgraceful manner and totally uncalled for. By flaming artists you hate, you’re not contributing anything useful at all. Please use some brain and just say something good about the band or the song that you like, express how much or why you like the song. Share your positive opinion about the artist you love and their songs with the rest of the fans who would love to read it.

When one wants to have good reputation or look good in other people eyes, they should do good things and let other people know about it. Talking crap about other people, to make them look bad, won’t help you to look better at all. You know, kicking or stomping other people down lower does not make you rise any higher. If you want to rise higher, climb up yourself. Likewise, to praise your beloved artist, you should say good thing about them. Bashing other artists doesn’t help at all. And it might even make other people think that you, and us, the rest of the fans, are nothing but idiots who like to start a fight and start a flame war.

I honestly think those who bash other artists, either just for fun, for satisfaction, to piss of their fans, or for whatever reason, are the disgrace of us, the true fans (of Metallica, in this case.)

Metallica is so great, they don’t need your lousy attempt to flatter their reputation. Their songs are awesome enough that they don’t need anyone to trash-talk about other artists. If you’re a real fan, stop dragging them down with your filthy attitude and rude comment.

I was there to enjoy the music, but those stupid fans ruined the moment and my mood. GRRRRRR!!!

Guess it’s better to just dig around in my room to find the CDs, so I can enjoy it without having to see any more nonsense.

Bleh! So today I updated my Vista to Service Pack 2 and installed some of the optional updates that I’ve been ignoring for so long. One of them was NVIDIA update. And I did the Benchmark for FFXIV again and got a slightly better result.

The score is soooooooooooo low, except if FFXIV Benchmark is using different scale than of FFXI. Because my score on FFXI Benchmark 3 is 7403 (Impossible to Gauge) Well, if 1372 is really a low score (would be Easy Prey if we use FFXI Benchmark score scale) I will have to upgrade my PC big time. ><;; Booooo!!!

Hmm! So I just remembered I had already downloaded Benchmark file for FFXIV but never run it! Today I ran it, first it said error. For a few times I kept trying with frustration. But Dr. Google knows it all, so I searched what was going on with that error message, and found that I needed to update my DirectX9. So I did, and woot~ Benchmark could now run!

This is the score.

I have Vista service Pack 1 though….. Can’t even install FFXIV Beta. Bleh.

Maybe I’ll need a new PC, or some minor upgrades on my PC, since it’s already 3 years old and the LCD screen currently keep on blinking for like 5 mins everytime I start up my PC. But I am damn sure I’m not going to buy PS3. I’m more a PC person, so it’s gonna be a waste of money to buy a whole new console machine just for 1 game which I can also play on computer XD

Attending 2 funerals with in a few days has me ponder…about life.  They were boyfriend’s father, and a friend’s father, both had passed away earlier this week. We all live, and we all shall die one day, some day. It is nature. It is inevitable.

This one Buddhist monk at my BF’s father’s funeral preached with the words of the Buddha that we should not suffer in sadness of loss, for all we have are just temporary, and are not ours. One day we shall lose it all, even our own body, our own life. Do not claim things as yours, do not feel attached with things that you think are yours, for we all were born naked, when we die, we also go naked. No one can bring anything, except one’s self and soul, to the realm of death when the time for departure has come.

Sounds easy, but ever so complicated.

The theory could, however, sooth the mind of people who lose their beloved ones. If we think it is just natural that some one dies some day, then it’s not as sad.

We cannot bring back the dead, no matter how hard we cry.

We can’t avoid it, we can’t stop it.

Then what we can do?

I would say, do your best while you can, before you die, and before your beloved ones die. Do things that you should do, do things that you want to do, spend time with people you love as much as you can, so that when it’s time to say goodbye, you won’t feel deprived.

I want to be a person who does not regret when death arrives.

In order to accomplish that, I’ll have to live my life to the fullest, fulfill my dreams and wishes, accomplish my goals, and treat people around me as nice as I could. I want to live without fear for the future, without hesitation in the present, and without regret of the past.

In your life you may let many people down in several occasions, but you should remember to, or at least try to, never let yourself down. Should you realize you have let yourself down, behave and pick yourself up!

Easier be said than done, I know.

Regrets gives nothing to you if you let it burden your mind too much. Heck it might teach you one or two lessons to do or not to do something in some certain situation, yeah. In my country there’s a saying “Mistake is your teacher.” Yes of course, if you learn from your former mistakes. Let it teach you, but not obstruct you. Move on. Jump over it, walk over it, or crawl over it if you must. Get over it one way or another. You will become stronger as you get through more obstacles in life.

Talking about regrets, I myself currently have some regrets in life. Most of them were more the regret of not having done something than the regret of having done something.

They said that kind of regret is even worse.

If you do something and it turns out to be a bad decision, well, at least you’ve tried. No one is perfect. Failure is natural. It can happen.

If you don’t do something, and it turns out to be a bad decision, ugh that’s sad….you haven’t even tried anything to prevent it from happening.

Ouch.

If I could turn back time, I would like to go and correct 2 mistakes I’ve made. Or rather, to do what I’ve missed the chance to do. To take the actions I’ve always regret for not taking. And to at least try better in the situations, just so I wouldn’t have bashed myself as hard as I have before.

One example….

No, I’d rather not talk about this.

Let it be known just that one of my best friends, a pen friend, had died. I didn’t have a chance to bid her a farewell because I lost contact with her for about a year. I didn’t get to go to her funeral because I found out about her death a few months after. It took me one year to just get over the sadness of losing her, and 2 years total to stop bashing myself.

Why didn’t I do this? Why didn’t I consider that? Why haven’t I tried this? Why haven’t I got in touch with her more often? How could I be so self-obsessed and forget about her? Why did she have to die? How did she feel before she die? Could she remember about me near the end of her life? What would she think about me at that time? How lonely was she when I didn’t get in touch? Why did she leave me like this? How much pain had she endured in her mind?

There were sleepless nights, several sleepless nights when I buried myself in tears, thinking of nothing but her and these insane questions. It was endless, because there was no one to answer. And I, do not know the answer. Cannot find the answers to what I kept asking myself over and over again.

It’s been a hard time for me. Luckily I got passed it eventually. What was done was done. What wasn’t done cannot be done now. It’s over. It’s painful, but it’s over.

I cannot go back to correct the past. What I can do it do my best in the present, to guarantee a better future.

I learnt to not lose contact with my beloved ones.

I learnt to not procrastinate in getting in touch with my friends.

If I think of them, phone them, send them postcards, poke them, nudge them, nag them, bug them.

You know people can’t live forever, either you or your friends will die someday. Whoever die first, what counts isn’t how sad you are when deaths do your part, but how happy you were when you’re all still alive and are together.

I was sad. I was so damn sad. But what would she think if I keep crying? Of course she would be very sad to know. She might even regret that we got to know each other, because she brought great pain to me when she died. NO!!! I would never allow that thought to happen. No matter how sad I am now, I do treasure the time when we used to be friends. It was happy time. We had lots of fun together. I’m glad I made friend with her. It’s far, far better than not getting to know her at all. I would rather suffer this pain and sadness after, than to have never met her at all.

I am happy to know her.

I am proud to be her friend.

These thoughts helped me greatly in picking myself up and ending my self-pity period. Yeah I’m sad, I cry, I lost her. So what? What we had and what we did together were great. My friendship with her was one of the best ones in my life. We were happy to be friends. We got along so well. We had good time together. We did a lot of stuff together. We were great friends.

That, in itself, is sufficient, don’t you think?

Nowadays when I think of her, I no longer cry, but I smile and giggle. It was a very happy memory. And in my opinion, she would surely want to be remembered as a happy memory than a sad one. Of course who would want their friend to suffer because of them? I, for one, would cry if I find out I make my friend cry. So, I decided to cry no more about her.

Cherish your memory of friendship, and it shall never die. Persons pass away, but the love lives forever.

This also includes everyone around you, not just friends. Those you love, family, pets, whoever. If you love them, treat them well, stay close to them, spend as much time together as you could, so that in the end, you won’t regret or feel insufficient of love.

Peace & Love.

Some people are so weird. Just weird beyond comprehension of a normal person.
(If I’m a normal person, lol)

This didn’t happen to me, and didn’t happen in my blog, but to a friend of mine, in his weblog.

I really wonder why some readers (or passerby, or google surfers, anything you wanna call them) act all important and talk rubbish like they own the place (web space.) Come on people, show some damn respect. after all, it is MY own weblog, and hosted on my own server, not just any public website where anyone can register for membership, it’s called my home.  If you choose to come in, to visit me, read my stuff, my thoughts, my opinion, welcome! Please be my guest. I’ll be a generous host.

However, some guests are just unpleasant.

You disagree with the blog owner, fine.
You don’t like blog owner’s attitude, fine.
You don’t like blog owner’s criticism on something you like, fine.
You don’t like blog owner’s style of speech, fine too.

What can you do about it?

Get angry? — Probably, it’s your freedom to feel any emotion.
Yell at the blog owner? — Seems out of place and uncalled for, doesn’t it?
Curse at the blog owner?  — Now that’s extremely rude.
Whine? — Hopefully not. lol!
Try to argue with valid points? — Possibly a good approach.

Then what next?

You have your opinion, everyone has their own opinion.
If you’re allowed (by the host, the place owner, or the system) to express your opinion, then good for you.
But you’re just a guest, remember?
Need I emphasize how a guest should behave?

You need to respect the host, because the place doesn’t belong to you, but to, in this case, the writer.
You read, you analyze, you express your view.
If you and the writer can never agree, fine.
The world is consisted of individuals, each thinks differently.
It’s impossible to have everyone agree with each other.
So if someone disagrees with you and you try to convince them to agree with you, it’s all your rights.
Should you fail, or they insist to keep their original view, do not throw vulgar words around.

Some people are just selfish and self-centered that they refuse to accept that other people can have their own opinion.
They see people who disagree with them as wrong, and see themselves as right.
While argue, they stick to their opinion, yet get angry when someone has a different opinion.
What? You can express what you think, in my place, but I cannot do that, in my place?

Absurd!

Some people, to even a greater extend, dislike the style of speech the writer use.
They argue that the blog owner uses vulgar words.
Yes I saw him using the f*ck you word, but not directed to anyone in particular.
It was to express, on extreme, his feeling towards a specific animation movie.
He also uses mild language here and there, like, “graphic sucks” “shitty” “garbage” “has no damn friggin’ plot” in his blog entry.
That was what the readers claimed rude and uncalled for.

Yet, mind you, those readers were throwing stuff like “d*ck” “c*nt” “a**hole” “you my foot” “dregs of society” and many other name callings.
What a contradiction!

I can’t swear in my own house? But you can insult me however you want?

How bizarre!?

You said blog owner uses too rude of a language, yet you’re throwing insults at him.
You said blog owner is biased and doesn’t know shit about the anime, yet you’re also biased and doesn’t know shit about the blog owner.
You said it’s unjust to judge the anime without watching it to the end, yet you’re flaming the blog owner without reading all of his entries.
You’re protecting your beloved anime, yet when blog owner defend himself with his argument, you said he’s narrow-minded and claimed that he’s angry at you.
You seems happy that some people are agreeing with you, yet dismiss the opposing opinions and said “oh you suck, you asked your friends to come help.”
You accused the blog owner of using multiple names, yet when someone else fired that back at you, you got all upset and whined that they’re unjust.
You started it first, yet when someone flames you back, you said they started it.
You said blog owner is badmouthing the anime, so you have rights to badmouth him. Probably right.
But if you think badmouthing is justified, why you got all angry that he badmouthed the anime?
You keep saying “if you can do this, I can do that” but you never admit that when you can do this, he can do that as well.

Blargh!
Why they think their uncalled for actions are justified, while they’re equal to what the blog owner does, yet flaming him as doing wrongs.

I’m inclined to the blog owner, because he has more rights in defending his home, while the readers do not own the blog.

Not only that I think they’re totally self-centered, but also invaders that have no place in there.
It’s my home, show some damn respect! Don’t be so uncivil!
If you’re not pleased with me, you can go complain to anyone, but not trying to force me to change my opinion to agree with you or throwing insults at me.
That guy was generous enough to let those comments show up in his entry, he could just delete what’s unpleasant, or lock the topic, then no one can argue with him.
He lets you state your opinion, but what you present over and over are mostly insults.
I would just kick you out, stopping you from voicing your rude opinion.

After all, it’s my home. I can be “Go away!” to any guests if they’re rude towards me.
You chose to come to my place. You want to speak up in my place.
I welcome opinions, but please, pretty please, show some damn respect.
I wouldn’t tolerate such outrageous stuff in my blog, because I’m not him.

He lets them talk, then why am I complaining?
I’m complaining because some people don’t have any manner.
I’m complaining because some people don’t know how to agree to disagree.
I’m complaining because this is my place, and I write it for myself.
As simple as that.

I’m writing in my place. No one forces you to come here and read.
You have your freewill to leave if you don’t like me and what I’m writing.
On the other hand, when you write something here, I have to read it because this is my home.
I cannot leave, because this is where I belong.
As simple as that.

I tried to argue with them with all my reasons (some of the above are what I was thinking, but gave up before presenting it because I doubt they would listen), but they just wouldn’t listen, and keep on swearing at people.
I decided that they’re not worthy of my precious time.
Have stuff to do, gotta go, bye!

I, however, was so amazed at how those people are.
So here I am, complaining about them, like my friend was complaining about animation movies that he wasn’t pleased with.

I wonder if someone will find this entry offensive and start the flame war too.

This is my place. Remember.

Well, today I went out with my boyfriend because he asked if I want to go to ComMart, which is like a computer fair held once or twice a year in Bangkok. Shops and big brands will come and have their booths ans stalls selling hardwares, softwares, accessories, gadget, digital devices, etc. at (supposedly) cheaper price than usual. He wanted to go check out the official launch of PS3 in Thailand, or something like that. He just wanted to see the promotion and the price, though, because he already owns one.

So…. We walked around quite a bit and I had mentally made a list of what I wanted to buy since he asked me to come. I happened to get all the 3 items…. Woot! But that hurts my wallet lol!

So here goes my epic shopping-date, and what I bought for myself.

3 items on my wish list.

And the first thing I immediately looked for, and grabbed without hesitation was this Western Digital’s My Passport, USB external storage, 500GB. I actually have one that was older model, but it was only 160GB and is almost full….And most importantly, my PC’s Hard Disk started making a weird tiny noise since last week. So I suspect it to start dying sooner or later. *shudders* Noooo my precious!! (files)

So when I saw this one at the price of 3,450฿, I couldn’t resist. They didn’t have any pink one though And the 500GB model that they still had in stock didn’t have white….boooo!!!!

So I bought a 500GB Blue WD Passport. About 98.5USD, if it’s 35฿ (Thai baht) per 1USD.

Then…. Since my mouse batteries dies a few days ago and I didn’t have any new ones to replace, today when I walked around and saw this stall selling rechargable AA and AAA batteries, I grabbed a set.

The promotion was, if we buy a charger, we can buy a pack of AA batteries at half price. So I got that, and also bought a pair of AAA batteries for my graphic tablet pen. They also let me buy 2 alkaline batteries for a mere 9฿ as a special treat for all customer. So, the whole bunch of these cost me 969฿, which would be about 28USD.

Next…. I thought I wouldn’t have the money for the last item, and had totally no idea where to find the booth, so I didn’t try to look for it. But while my boyfriend and his friend (who came to join us after we walked in there for a while) went around looking at the PS3 stuff, I followed them and ran into the booth from Linksys. They looked as if they only sold modem and all-in-one stuff like router, though. So I dipped in and ask if they had “wireless adapter to use to receive signal from your router.” Shopkeeper gave me a USB wireless adapter…. I said no, no, the one that you attach it to your mainboard. So he said “Ohhhh! You mean the PCI adapter to go with your PC?” Right! That’s it. So here it is….

At first I thought this would cost just a lil less than the USB mass storage, but heck it was wayyyyy cheaper! So yeah I had enough money for this thing, 950฿ (27USD.) It looked exactly like the one that was knocked out by my collapsing tower of books…. So I’m damn sure this is the correct one lol! So, hopefully, if my on-board wireless happens to die in the near future, I can replace the old Linksys (which I am unable to remove from my mainboard…) and use the new one instead. >.>

Then, we rode the underground train back to the shopping center where he parked his car, and we went for a shopping at an IT department for a bit. I grabbed myself a few more things.

A box of DVDs, so I can burn some stuff and keep my HDD clean and light! A box of LCD cleaning kit for my dusty LCD screen. Keyboard protection film for my Laptop computer so I won’t accumulate dust. And a sheet of sticker to decorate my Laptop computer.The DVD box of 50 cost 500฿ (13.5USD) and the rest of the stuff cost about 200฿ (6USD.)

Then we had simple, easy, and quick dinner at a traditional noodles stall in the shopping center. And I spent around 300฿ on comic books at the book store. Then, again, spent 300฿ more in the supermarket, buying lotsa snacks and a box of Lipton Tea, containing 25 tea bags.

So to sum my day up…. it was 6669 baht (~190USD), from stuff with bills. Probably a tad more from things that I couldn’t recall, like subway tickets fair and drinks.

Time to stay home for a while now…. Me broke Mithra!!! Meow!!  o(^._.^o   )~~~

Uh… last night I was very tired. This past week was very busy for me, the work and several appointments with friends had worn me out. Anyway, today there was a wedding ceremony (lunch) of my high school friends (both the bride and the groom were the classmates from the same year lol) thus I had to sleep early (earlier than usual, that is). I went to bed before 3 A.M. Then I woke up around 9 A.M to shower, get dressed, and be ready before my BF came around to pick me up.

I thought I was fine and had slept enough (6 hrs is supposed to be enough, isn’t it?), but in the afternoon after we left the ceremony, I started to nod off in the car. =_=

Blah, that matter aside, last night I had very strange dreams about people in FFXI.

First dream was about Trustme. In my dream I was sitting in a dark place (looked like some in-game dungeon) and talked about a lot of stuff with his Hume character. She was wearing smart outfit and a stern-looking glasses that made her look like a handsome female model with a subtle hint of book worm. You know, the kind of woman you would assume she’s a strict librarian. Good looking, beautiful face, nice body, but does not smile.

Anyway, we talked about various topics, mostly nonsense. One of the topics I could recall was about the sun. I told her, oops, him, that I hated sunlight so I love Dynamis, because there was no sun in Dynamis. =_= When I woke up it was so hilarious to think back about the conversation! Too bad I can’t recall all of it, duh!

The next dream was about Stefy. This time it felt like real life, not in-game incident. It seemed the whole LS of MinamiKaze was having a picnic. We were sitting at wooden table with benches somewhere in a park. It seemed we were in the US, because we talked about how tiring our flight was to come all the way to visit them. Then, a postman came and delivered a postal package. It was from me. So we laughed and made fun of it, that we left for the US much later after I sent my package, yet it arrived after me!

So, well, Stefy opened the package and saw my letter. She opened it and jumped up and down with glee. Apparently there was something embarrassingly hilarious in there. I tried to stop her from reading it out loud, but I couldn’t get the letter from her hands. The other friends just watched and wouldn’t help me, because they wanted to hear it too!  =_= So, there Stef went, reading it out loud for everyone.

And they went ROFL! Ouch! I now can’t recall what was read, but well you get the idea of what happened in my dream.

LOL!

I think this is from my subconsciousness?

I actually wish I can really meet these folks in real life (I’ve met only those who’re in Thailand or came back to Thailand, not those who live in the US). They’re pleasant people.